Let Life Take Care

While sitting just now to meditate, after a good 40 minutes or so of shaking, stillness, twitching, smiling and making the usual peculiar facial expressions and noises that I usually do, I received a nice little message, downloaded into my little mindPod, to help me continue my path to freedom.

What is clear to me, over the last few  years, is that I’ve been more conscious of my suffering, my attempt to control people (and I mean this in the best possible way) and situations and, my increasing efforts to make ‘life work for me’. What has this led to? Well obviously more stress, angst and suffering! Ha ha!

I’m not saying that I’m getting it wrong all the time, as I have always believed that we need to embrace instability in order to make progress. As the good man said, ‘And the meek shall inherit the Earth’……..

What I am saying is that I am dropping again in to the abyss, the dark unknown, whereby I let go of old addictions, based upon the attempt to avoid feeling what I really feel.

Instead of this, like most others, I crave to seek another high, replace that empty space with something exhilarating to my senses and mind rather than experience, perhaps, the loneliness, sadness or depression that a moment or few might be opening up to me.

The recent days have reminded me that above all else, what I seek, is peace. This means ‘I seek’ the cessation of seeking, which enables beingness to arise once again.

It’s been a while since I wrote anything like this and I assure you, I have missed it. I have spent much of my time adjusting to a new way of life, having seen half my work load shift from the classroom to the computer. I’ve been learning about on-line skills and faced fierce challenges both within and out, in order to arrive here, now, once again.

So, the message dropped into my logical, rational brain, out of the ethers and into my stilling body….

This doesn’t mean I shall sit like an unemployed vagrant or expect opportunity to drop in my palm without any giving on my part, but it has reminded me to trust and believe more deeply in the feelings and messages my heart sends to my brain.

I started this so called ‘life style’ back in 1996 and I have also been reminded recently, that it wasn’t for money or fortune I did it. I dropped my old ways which had led me astray in order to remember, even just for a moment again, who I was. To experience just a few minutes of being in the present, rather than worrying about what work I had or hadn’t done for my employers or what intoxicants  I had in my cabinet or needed to score in order to avoid being in the present moment again!!

Almost 20 years later, I see I have been trying to avoid my Self again, trying to fill life, give it meaning, sort it out and take care of things. Each day I ‘teach‘ people to ‘breathe out and let go’ and yet catch myself on the hop, from this idea or scheme to the next, so busy brainstorming, that the thunder and lightning have wreaked havoc in my heart.

So that’s it really.

I don’t want to waffle.

Life has reminded me, a few hours ago that it is taking care of me.

When my left brain tried to make a note that I must blog about this later, silent awareness winked, ‘come to me, come here and let’s see about ‘later’, later.’

Love you all.

Matt :)x