I can’t remember how this topic came to my BlogTop, but just remember that I wanted to write about it. I hope that tapping away the keys will remind me. My desire to write about it seems to have waned yet,
now it is all coming back to me very quickly.
It is, I feel, a sense of duty, to myself and my listeners to get this from here, to ‘t –here’, so that I might feel lighter having done so. When I say listeners, I add for my ego, I have discovered writing to be a great form of alchemy. I’m my number 1 listener! I need to do this so that I may realise.
I hope this inspires you in some way, pressing buttons, be they ones easy to watch the effects of the unfolding process, or not.
Here I am to press my own buttons and talk to myself about Desire. I hope you are still keen to listen. I assume so as I have learned when one touches the inner self in ‘me’ it is not separate from that inner self in you. Of course there are many layers, strands of DNA, RNA etc that appear to be who we feel and think we are. As the yoga unfolds we are reminded that these are all superimpositions; like when you eat a really tasty lasagne your whole being is going ‘mmmmmmm yummy mmmmmm mmmmm’, bubbling inside as you attempt to reach the very heart of the experience, you-lasagne all merging into this one hearty-fizzle.
No matter how much we attempt to find that ‘core’ in the lasagne, or in senses-body themselves, we will not find it. We can experience it through them and for sure there isn’t anything wrong with this (oh!! thank you creator for all this pleasure, we love you for that), yet I guess, by now, you know where I’m leading, approximately. I hope to have a little surprise or two up my sleeve, otherwise you might become a little weary and decide there are many more enticing opportunities awaiting you in this eternal moment of choices. Like some lasagne in your fridge.
That deepest or core ‘field’ to give it a name is the source of the lasagne (mmmm I wonder what we’re having for dinner tonight – I have an idea or two –something Italian perhaps J) and brings it to life in the same way that all those amazing little atoms collect together to form our bodies do. They are just collections of energy particles that come together and in so doing, ignite the dance of ecstasy that we know as life.
You see, when you break it all down, we are pure energy.
Cool eh!!? We spend most of our lives going around in circles looking for ‘it’, yet often and for many, never quite finding ‘it’. Pressing many buttons and turning many handles, waiting and watching yet, still there is some deeper ‘I haven’t quite got to the heart of this lasagne’ feeling. Where does it come from and go to?? Again, whether it’s a totally far out experience or a blooming downright rubbishy one, that angsty-air seems present.
A couple of things hit me there…
The first was the relationship between spending and earning. This is something that the wonderful Mantak Chia taught me in Thailand. I love Master Chia because he teaches from the heart…………He’s a really cool guy who has spent most of his life seeking freedom, ecstasy and truth…….. my kind of dude. He’s funny and I meander so………..Mantak Chia says a few things about Energy and money and spending and I think he’s got a point. To sum it up, without detailing body parts, although that ‘gives much away’ anyway, when we have an accumulation of energy, we humans have this tendency to let it all go; it flows away like the wind in the willows, or the waves moving out over the water. We spend it. It goes down and out in one way or another. It may leak out through the body or it may find it’s path via tapping in your pin number down at Brent Cross, they kind of resemble each other.
I hear some saying that’s not me, “I know how to save”. Well that is of course excellent and something that I’m training myself, if not rather slowly, to do myself too.
Once again, there is nothing wrong with any of this. We have been de- signed or pre formulated in a certain way and so we mustn’t beat ourselves up about the things we’ve been doing for the last thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, lifetimes or so. We do however have the option to look at what we do and question why we do it, especially if twirling on the same spot for countless eons has made you slightly dizzy. I know it did so for me. After years of treading (as opposed to floating across) the ‘spiritual path’ aka life, I realised that I was in prison and it was most unpleasant.
So in a moment I’m going to talk a little about earning.
Before I do, I would like to touch on the second underline above, which was present. I’m very confident that you have heard it’s very tricky to be present, if there’s the tiniest speck inside that’s anchoring most of your consciousness in to the future or past, at any single moment in time. You’ve heard of the expression ‘be a gift unto yourself, remain present’. What we do as humans is attempt to move away from anything that is most unpleasant or get glued to things that are lovely. They both lead one into delusion i.e. illusion of what’s absolutely ‘when boiled down to nothing it’s still there’ real.
So, when a parent starts telling their child, “blab bla you know that if you do blab la blab de bla bla it will be your downfall blab la blum” the child will often move away from this rather than listen. I understand this as a child and parent. We all walk our seemingly individual path.
One proof however, at the deepest level of inner fizzing that we are ONE, is that everything we are and do affects everyone around us. Anyway, back to DESIRE……..
De from French meaning ‘of’
and ‘Sire’ meaning nobility.
When I was seven I had really bad flu. Every year in January (I think it was post Christmas blues-excuse) my body found a way to have a week off from school and catching the flu was how it did it.
I remember waking one night in a pool of sweat crying out loudly, ‘I don’t want to be king, I don’t want to be king’ over and over again. My brother found this quite funny. I didn’t at the time, but totally understand you know Maurice!
I’ve been quite sick a few times in my life, at death’s door a couple and in it’s driveway a few. On this occasion I was nowhere near dying but what I always used to experience with flu or anything like it (I got Dengue fever in the Far East and that was a real blaster-coaster), was this sensation of hanging from a thread.
I, my body wasn’t hanging from a thread, but ‘I’ in my body was hanging through this thread and then into my body. It was a divine feeling, like all my rasa or juice was enmeshed within this cord, the deeper layer that I normally screen out because the world keeps me busy typing. I believe this to be an experience of sushumna, the central axis. I have tried, succeeded and failed to reproduce this feeling in meditation many times since.
So what has all this got to do with desire other than my wanting to share this experience for the last thirty five years? In heightened awareness (as Carlos Castaneda put it), we experience insight beyond or deeper than conditioned perception.
By conditioned perception I mean that schooling taught us 1 + 1 makes 2; as opposed to where the heck does 1 come from and why does it make 2? These things are flags or codes and labels that represent a system. There are mathematical ways of viewing reality and there are others, like philosophically. Which angle one chooses isn’t important.
What allows one to experience be-longing (wanting to return to God) is to know in one’s heart that there is something (termed absolute reality, God, Consciousness) that is/imparts intelligence; the juice again, to all that is, was and, isn’t quite yet, (but will be soon by the time something somewhere else is finished doing or being whatever’s been keeping it busy recently).
In the heightened awareness of flu, I was able to remember that there is more to me than body, mind, emotions and senses. Even though a child’s mind isn’t developed, IN-tuition is acute. The conditioned perception of “1 and 1 is 2 and all in all it’s just a’nother brick in the waaaaaa aaaaa aaaaalllll!!” hasn’t fully weeded in. There is purity or reality awareness – this explains how people see ghosts, read minds, heal the sick. They are using parts of the cerebral universe that are normally in slumber. We have not been educated to see ghosts, we were conditioned ‘not to’ because it didn’t fit in with the contemporary mould, in the same way it is said natives didn’t see white mens’ ships (What The Bleep Do We Know) because ‘ships’ didn’t exist in their brains.
‘King’ was and still is that part of me that is beyond this ‘body-mind-organism’ (Ramesh Balsekar of Bombay (“who I asked what’s the meaning of life” and at the age of 90, he replied “who cares!”).
King is that bit that is DeSire; of the noblest essence.
That’s the bit we’re all questing, the greatest stuff/non stuff in being/non being.
When we get lost in the world, I believe if one believes there is more than we see, grace taps, “here, over here, this is what you mean” and all of a sudden, as if by magic, God appears, be it in the form of a shopkeeper (Mr Ben BBC TV1 1971) or a beautiful flower or anything else ‘that stops your world’ (again Carlos Castaneda).
One way street – I remember being seventeen, driving around a part of town that wasn’t my common ground. I had bought something for me and my friends and it was sitting strangely in my lap as I tried to work out why it felt odd and where on earth (near Tottenham Court Road) I was. My head filled with confusion; I found myself driving the wrong way up a one way street, doing what I ought not be doing, school waited tolerantly out in the country side wondering where I was and this police chap looked in at me through the window saying ‘Sunny Jim, you know this is a one way right?!” My mind emptied, my body must have too and I remember thinking ‘Oh God, help me’.
“Just back up slowly, I’ll watch you and don’t do it again, alright” responded Mr Policeman. In that moment I think he turned into Moses and the waves of traffic rose up at his sides.
You see God’s got very big ears – he recognises truth.
I took that moment as a metaphor for my life at the time.
I was troubled with a dying father and exams. I could see how easy it was to pour all my chances away, travelling down the wrong road.
To add to that, my purchase intended for ceremony back in the den, turned out to be a newspaper rap filled with cold fish and chips. I knew something didn’t smell quite right!! Ha haaa!!! What a waste………………….
Life’s a one way street and we have that choice each day.
Where shall I turn my gaze?
Okay I can pleasure my body and senses, why not, but unless there is something which reaches out beyond them and to others, then after a certain point, there doesn’t seem any point.
That point of no return is when the energy or awareness has gone beyond its threshold. After that it takes time to renew itself.
Chuang Tzu spoke of the caterpillar dreaming itself as the butterfly, which was actually the butterfly dreaming of the caterpillar dreaming, or was it? (Or as Ramesh Balsekar said “Who cares!!”)
The point is that ‘as we think, so we become’.
Believing is Seeing (Sathya Sai Baba).
Our brain sees and our senses acknowledge what we have permitted our brain to see.
And who are we?
We are Seer of brain.
Which way will I walk the street, up or down?
Will I spend my life going the wrong way
Or EARN my own self respect
by turning the gaze inward and upward to be re-minded of our maker.
We come and we go, of this we are doubtless.
Instead of turning away from our destiny, why not look it straight in the eye so that it may reflect its wisdom through us and out into the world.
This is the message of great mortals, whose atoms still move through our blood.
When we look truth in the face, it smiles and says, ‘I love you, I am you and this is what you are……..
What you are here for………………and to do……………….. and so, DO IT.
In doing so you are full-filled.
Filled with the fullness of purpose.
This is what we have been dreaming of and this is why desire keeps calling our name.
Our duty to each other as humans is to recognise this calling and follow it all the way.