As I paused before writing about my understanding of Rumi’s Poem ‘Cry out in your weakness’, I thought “So far this Blog seems to be all about pain and suffering!” I guess it’s because many are driven to the journey to wholeness through pain in one form or the other.
Buddha said: “Life is suffering”. I hear so many people in their despair quote this as a testimony to the validation of their suffering. Rarely do I hear anyone say: “Buddha then said: ‘The root of all suffering is ignorance’”.
Gulp! I guess no-one out there or in here wants to consider themselves ignorant!
Well not ME!!!!
This is the whole point; the ME is the root of the ignorance and ALL suffering sprouts from that.
We consider ourselves as little cells separate from the whole body of creation, fighting for survival against the rest of creation. Although, every cell – via a mesmerizing intelligence – works towards the health of the whole and the whole works for/with every other cell, we still consider ourselves independent, separate and alone!
Although there is a cell as part of a vast universe, all will cease to exist without that intelligence, breathing you right now. You say I breathe. Quite rightly! But, who is the ‘I’? The cell or the intelligence? The cell is what we think we are (the ego), but in reality, the intelligence that drives the cell is our true identity.
Now this is all very nice to know, but one’s actual experience of life has come largely via the ego. The addiction to this ‘belief’ or way of perceiving is definitely more difficult to let go of than any other addiction, including cigarettes (and I thought that was hard!!!). No addict can ever heal unless he recognises his addiction, realises when he craves it the most, how he feels without it, how he feels after it…….
The same principle applies with our attachment to the belief that we are the ego. In order to ‘give up’ we have to be alert, diligent in order to see when we identify with our body and our actions (with the cell and it shape and function)? How does it really feel to be identified as the ego? How honestly can we experience life ‘as it is’ without trying to paint a good or bad picture on it? What is the real gain to stay addicted to this belief? Are there any gain at all?!
Like any addiction, it seems that GRACE has a lot to do with healing. Many addicts never think of giving up. Many think of it (which I believe is also Grace) but then see themselves too little or weak to let go, so they give up ‘giving up’. Many try their hardest, manage to give up but give in to temptation so that the cycle continues countless times. Each time this happens one feels lower than low for failing and yet carries on in the hope that one day it all ends (Faith).
At one point, often suddenly, something happens! The addiction falls away as if of its own accord, so easily it is hard to believe it had such a strong hold on us. In our journey to the depth of our being, to our true nature, to our real self, we must have faith and know that it is possible to be relieved from the grip of the ego, from our identification with the personality. It is essential that we don’t give up wanting to free ourselves from it. Our intention comes from love; so we need to give into that love and stay gentle with ourselves, especially when we fail. Knowing that this failure is part of the success and not its opposing force!
We don’t fuel the failure-fire, we Intend to break the prison of the mind; this wanting to come out of the trap of the ego is what I hear Rumi refer to in this poem and he reminds me, that as my wanting grows, Grace grows!!!
July 2010